Soul Talk

Pastors Need Change Beginning with the Heart

A new  book by Don Cousins retells some disturbing statistics from a 1996 article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

Recently compiled statistics indicate that the life of a pastor is tough. Every month, 1,300 U.S. pastors are fired or forced to resign. Nearly 30 percent of ministers have been terminated at least once. In a decade, 40 percent of today's pastors will be in another line of work. SEven percent say that have no close friends. The numbers don't improve at home: The divorce rate for U.S. pastors is up at least 65 percent in 25 years. More than one third admit to "inappropriate sexual behavior" with church members. Eighty percent say their work has a negative impact at home.

Cousins goes on to confirm these grim trends with the following statistics from Barna:

• Two-thirds of the pastors surveyed said they're distrubed because they feel their job is never done.

• Nine out of ten pastors admit that they often take home with them the mental and emotional baggage associated with ministry.

• Eight out of ten pastors confessed that the stress of long workweeks affects them physically. Fifty percent said they suffer physically from stress at least once a month.

• Seventy-five percent of spouses say they're truly anxious about their finances; two-thirds of pastors feel at least some anxiety about their financial future.

And then from a Christian Broadcasting Network fact sheet article titled "Pastor Burnout: Combating a Churchwide Epidimic":

What might be called a spiritual virus is stalking the homes and pulpits of America's pastors. Each year, thousands of clergy walk away from their ministries, suffering from burnout brought on by frantic schedules and unrealistic expectations.... The clergy is like the Titanic--it's sinking fast. Fifteen hundred ministers every month drop out of the ministry. That's an epidemic. Even more sobering is that nearly 6,000 Southern Baptist ministers annually fall victim to burnout, depression, marital problems, and even suicide.

Cousins has a whole book that addresses the solutions for these issues, but he sums it up with a simple statement. "I spent almost twenty years focused on what God could do 'through me'. Addressing my broken condition would require the focus to change--from through me to 'in' me. What i needed was...a transformation of heart."

I can't begin to respond to all the issues brought up in this post. But I can stand with Cousins in this - I need a new focus too. One that is centered on what God will do 'in' me, more than 'through' me. My prayer of late is, "Create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me" (Psalm 51:10)

I Love to Teach, but I think I'm wierd

I had an absolute blast teaching my three sessions of our new "Purpose Series." It was the most fun I've had in a long time! Teaching is so much fun for me! The subject of my part of the series was "Serving" with the main point that God has a plan for your life that is better than anything you can imagine. We camped on Ephesians 4, and Exodus 3, and several other potent passages of scripture. We had some great table discussions and a few poignant videos. These kind of opportunities are a real high for me.

During my sessions I shared that my personality is introverted. For years I struggled thinking that I was somehow less of a leader because I wasn't the extrovert at every gathering. A few years ago I realized that God made me this way on purpose. I recharge when I'm alone reading a book, or enjoying time with family. Being in a crowd drains me, but ironically teaching a crowd energizes me. Is that just too wierd!?  I thought it was until a good friend (one of the best leaders and teachers I know) confessed he's the same way.  He's more extroverted than I am, but feels the same about being in a crowd. He loves to teach, but crowds in general make him uncomfortable.

So maybe the title of this post should be..."I'm wierd, but God made me that way!" or "I'm wierd, but I'm not alone!"

Serving and Evangelism (The Importance of Being and Doing)

Years ago I attended a training in a new evangelistic method called "Continuious Witness Training" (CWT). During the training we learned a series of questions and scriptures to use in leading people to pray to receive Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

At the end of the training a group of six of us decided to practice our new skill by knocking on the door of a man who visited the church the previous week. He invited us in. At the end of the visit the man prayed to receive Jesus and we all rejoiced. But I wondered at the time if his prayer was sincere, or if it was more of an act of surrender to get us to leave.

Today serving seems to have replaced these old methods of evangelism. I've joined with others to go into local business to clean restroom. I've offered cold drinks to strangers in the parking lot of Walmart. I've served food and played table games with the homeless.

These acts of service do more than lead someone to pray to receive Jesus. Service to others allows us to be Jesus to hurting people. Service can build attitudinal bridges to people who are closed to the message of Jesus. I've seen non-believers serve along side believers - what a great opportunity to be Jesus to the unreached!

Jesus challenged the people of his day with the words, "Not everyone who calls to me 'Lord! Lord!' will enter the kingdom of heaven..." The point of the passage seems to be that doing is not as important as being with Jesus - knowing Jesus, but it is important.

In this swing toward serving others it's important for me to stay well rooted in Jesus so that I can know him, be known by him, and lead others to know him - in the midst of serving him by serving others. 

Learning To Parent, and Husband, and...

It seems the older I get the more I have to learn, and it's that way in almost every area of my life. We have two amazing daughters. Our oldest is a freshman in college and seems to have adjusted to college life just fine...(I'm not sure she misses us at all!)  In the last few weeks she's been talking about study abroad. Does it date me to say that when I was in college this option never crossed my mind? Worse yet, she's considering study in Australia. Do you know how far Australia is from Kansas!?

This leads to some awkward discussions around our house. As my wife and I try to figure out the right thing, the wise thing, and the affordable thing, we're left with a sense that we're in that far away land of "Uncertain Parenting". Which is right next to the country "How do I as a 'Father Knows Best" kind of Dad get through All This." I'm being transparent here to say that this dilemma makes me want to enroll in some new parenting, husbanding, courses at the local junior college. If only parenting came with a "How to book!"

My prayer life has never been more REAL. I find myself wishing the Bible had a clearer set of answers to the practical issues of the day, and I'm left standing in the hope that God's promises are true, and that He is always faithful. I know for sure that I do not know what I am doing. I'm just doing what I think best, and doing my best to listen to the Spirit guide me. I know my life is easy compared to many. I'm thankful that these are the extent of the problems I deal with.

I met with a friend over coffee last week. We talked about these kinds of issues. You know what he said? He said, "Matt, at this stage of your life your becoming a wise sage." Wise!? I sure don't feel wise. The older I get the more I feel like the fool wandering in the shadows. The need to learn and grow just doesn't quit. 

Here's my prayer, "Father help me to be all that I need to be by the time I need to be it!  I don't want to get there too late."

Weddings and Fall Weather

I performed my first wedding in over a year today and it was beautiful. There is a little chapel in Kansas City called Pilgrim's Chapel. It was built in 1940 as a Lutheran Chapel for the Deaf. Today it is a place for all religions and is one of the most beautiful little chapels I have ever seen. It's all stone with a gabled roof, and stained glass windows that would be stretched to hold 40 people. The rector there is a man named Roger Coleman and he's been stationed at this same chapel for 36 years. He performed the beginning of the ceremony. At the end of the service, after I introduced the newly married couple Roger came back up to perform a beautiful ceremony and present "family medalians" to the children. This was a blended marriage, and Roger did a beautiful job making the children feel special.  I know they will remember this day for man years.

To make the day even more special Debbie came with me!  It was a little awkward in that we didn't know anyone other than the bride and groom (Debbie only knew the bride), but we had fun anyway. Dinner afterwards was good, and the weather overall could not have been more perfect.

All in all --- a good day.  I pray that the new couple has an amazingly wonderful marriage.

Twittering, Facebook, and Feeling Old

I've had a Facebook account for about a year now. I started it when we began discussion a message series called "Facebook." I figured it would be smart to know something about this new online social network. It's been fun. I have over 114 friends!

Twitter, on the other hand, is something I've not quite grasped.  Seems to me it is a great idea, but I haven't figured out why/how/who I want to keep track with. Today at the group conference Mark Batterson said lots of the small groups in his church are using twitter to stay in touch with each other. He follows his entire staff on twitter. He said it helps him keep in touch with how they are doing, not so much professionally as personally. Seems like a cool idea to use technology to enhance community. Maybe I'll do a little experimenting.

The truth is that I am trying hard to keep up with it all, but the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know.  There's  very cool video on youtube that illustrates just how I feel, my Geek Squad friend showed it to me just yesterday. Unfortunately I can't find it and wouldn't know how to put a link in my blog for you to view it even if I could find it.

Oh, man. Old, man!  I'm getting old.

Thoughts on the H20 Small Group Conference

I've attended the Willow Small Group Conference with team members from Westside in 5 of the last ten years. This year was the first time Willow offered a local satellite venue. The simulcast was a replay of parts of the main sessions. I invited our GROW Team Leaders from the Overland Park and Speedway Campus to attend with me. We had a great time and it generated some awesome discussions. I'm confident some good things will come from the time we spent together and the ideas we heard.

Here are summary of one of the sessions.

Practical Advice on Leading Small Groups, Russ Robinson
INTRO- Ask these questions as a leader
1. What Jesus did (Mark 3:14)
    a. be with - your presence is the key variable in your small group
    b. send out - lead your group to keep an outward focus
2. What Jesus promised (Mt. 28:19-20)
    He is always with us when we are doing what he commanded
3. What Jesus is doing (Mt. 18:20)
    Jesus is with us when we gather
    80% of success is showing up

Prepare Well
4 H's of great leadership (preparing for your group)
1. Head - What do I want my group to know? What is the "AHA" moment in the meting?
2. Heart - What do I want my group to feel?
3. Hands - What do I want my group to do?
4. Homework - What do I want my group to plan?

These 4 H's need to be part of every leaders preparation.

Turn Questions into Discussion
Make your questions personal (introspective) by causing people to think about themselves. Make your questions interactive

Always Look Back
Ask "How did the meeting go? Where did Jesus show up?
What worked well?
What could be improved?
What should be celebrated?
What do I need to do to follow-up between meetings

Make Smart Intestments
The 72 - Who do you influence?
The 12 - With whom are you intimate (share private time with)?
The 3 - With whom do you invest?

Politics and People

I am a political junky. I try very hard not to talk politics among friends, but it is impossible to hide this fact from my family. Those closest to me no doubt love me in spite of myself, but for many reasons I feel this dark side of my personality has to be hidden from most who know me (along with other less appealing parts of my personality, e.g. I am a closet star trek fan, a tech geek, and a fan of Fox News).

I am usually able to keep these things under control - except for days like today...the Vice Presidential Debate starts in 90 minutes and I find myself wanting to prep the TV room as if it were the NFL Superbowl.

My first realization of this addiction was the election of 2000. My wife tells me I went on a political benge from election night through "black Friday" (the shopping day after Thanksgiving) and woke up with a serious hangover. Honestly, I don't remember much of it.

Most support groups encourage an addict like me to take the first step of admitting the problem. I will do exactly that - starting the morning after election eve.  I just hope it's decided then!

The Church is Family

I loved this paragraph from an article written by Francis Chan.

"A while back, an ex-gang member got baptized at Cornerstone. He fell in love with Jesus and turned from his old lifestyle. After several months at the church, he stopped attending. When we asked hm why he stopped attending, he answered: "I had the wrong idea of what church was going to be like. When I joined the church, I thought it was going to be like joining a gang. You see in the gangs we weren't just nice to each other once a week - we were family."

How important is it that we have a place where we are loved, and where we are real with each other?  Not just love, but truth with love. It seems to me this makes a great case for the argument that we need small group accountability and large group challenge. From the weekend to the one-on-one we need to love each other enough to challenge each other to live out the calling of Jesus.

Family Covenant

Great day yesterday with a terrific message on parenting. One of my favorite quotes of the day, "Don't be concerned that your kids don't doeverything you say. Be concerned that they see everything you do."

The importance of a daily model and "as you go" teaching can not be over estimated. I recall from Scott McNight's book, "Jesus Creed," that he talked about the power of the "shemah " in Jesus' life.  The shemah is the cornerstone verse of the Jewish faith. Everyday of his life Jesus heard the Shemah and it was the central to all that He taught, "Hear, Oh Israel, the Lord is one. Love the Lord with all your heart...." It's a great example of belief linked with behavior.